The wind blew with windy city winter force against my window. The constant vibration against these white sheets from what I’m sure were about a hundred “Happy New Year” texts woke me from the best part of my sleep. No specks of light to float across my ceiling so I must have beat the sun to her day job.
4:47a: “I love you… I just want us to start this year off right.”
The audacity.
I called him a million times last night because we had plans, but he never provided me the courtesy of a call back to let me know he was watching the ball drop elsewhere.
Often, I found myself wondering if he realized how narcissistic he truly was. I thought I might have noticed it a few times earlier on in our relationship, but it was never as loud as it’s been these last few weeks so I wasn’t sure.
He was such a likeable man on his many social sites that one could easily overlook his real-life inability to communicate, follow through, or go 24 hours without telling a perfectly crafted tall tale that took only seconds to roll off his tongue. Still, he had a charm about him that made him almost impossible to deny and crave to be around. So why was it then that when it came to me, he’d managed to make it this far before completely shedding the skin of everything I’d ever wished for only to reveal this slimy serpent who slithered about unapologetically with no regard for my feelings and emotions?
Interesting to say the least.
I lay awake in the dark scrolling my call log reminding myself of the hoops I had to jump through for an update on the plans that he’d made. Did that make me the worst kind of hopeless romantic? A weak one? The fact that I gave him the benefit of the doubt after having been through so much in my past. The fact that I expected him to be consistent. Was anyone consistent anymore? My girl’s words instantly echoed in my mind like the remnants of a Sunday morning sermon during less than wholesome behavior on a Saturday night. “Do you think this is a deal breaker? Or do you think this is something you can work through with him? I thought for sure he was more considerate than this, but men will be men. Still. Considering the dating pool – is it worth it to end the relationship?”
I hadn’t the slightest idea.
In today’s dating pool, is settling for a man who is helpful financially, semi affectionate, and considerate about 50% of the time the new norm? Does love have anything to do with it? Did I now have to settle for a man who was only consistent at being inconsistent? Was it normal for a man to fall completely off the grid without so much as a proper phone call on date nights and holidays because something “came up”? I didn’t think so, but then again, I have a reputation for overthinking, so I can never be too sure. Let Kevin Samuels tell it, that’s the best out there for me. Technically speaking, he was a 7/10 compared to my previous situationships. He made me happy, he was helpful, and my family was 100% smitten by him. I just couldn’t seem to shake that nagging feeling that something about him hadn’t yet made it to the light. Without proof, it’s difficult to label someone as something they might not be. The female intuition works harder than the head of the FBI in crisis though and you better believe that in 2022, I’m due answers.
5:30a: “2022 is the year of show and prove. If you love me, show me. Happy New Year.”
I wanted to add “you lying son of a bitch” to the end of that text, but sometimes you have to play the game to win. One thing about me… I love to win.
Happy New Year, lovers. Let the games begin.
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